The general called me to the front lines
  but I’m still cleaning my guns, loading my barrels 
  straightening my uniform, sharpening my bayonet 
  Took out a flask of liquid courage 
  downed it like a man with nothing to loose 
   mopped the sweat off with a handkerchief 
  Everyone else was ready 
  but I was shaking in my boots 
  and self-indulgent 
  shamelessly sentimental 
  a romanticized love and war story 
  that you devised in your heart 
   in the epoch 
 the vanguard charging 
  towards certain death or victory
  and if I would seek to know you 
  to disenchant this dreams and provide grounding 
   you would be more than something to be fought or 
        to be won 
   I needed to win this battle in my own soul 
     For I’m reserved 
  waiting to be delicately unearthed 
     the shrapnel through fibula
    warm rose blood, realized it was mine
    my ceasing heart stopped it’s beating 
   I met my death with a bullet to the head 
     shattered my ego 
     shattered my perpetual self 
   for on search for everything for myself 
    and I woke up  
    seeing you in a drab dress 
   and saw that you had life in you 
   and I was transforming from a gargoyle 
    into a human 
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