I love you (hate you)

I love you
I hate you
I want to erase you
avoid you
because you ransacked my heart
and left my home in charcoals
I love you
I hate you
and even after all these years
I still believed in you
and us
I feel you
like bile in my throat
I love you
I hate you
I am reserved
around you
I am frozen
around you
I longed for you
so much
that I would stretch my heart
out for you
in a few short words
I love you
I hate you
this insufferable state of mind
makes me believe I could rewind
but I love you
I hate you
but I need you
to be exactly you
with you your inadequacies
all your atrocities
all your complexities
all your beauties
for I love you
and I hate you

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