Monthly Archives: November 2013

Elemental

what was fundamental to our understanding?
the billowing of our sails
the silent coalescing of clouds
reforming and refraiming questions
into the glossy shallows
a rambunctious train stilled
into a tempered lone animal
I am silent
and stilled
till every thought
in time and space
could be fully materialized
and realized
into a dropful of honey
dropping onto my taste buds
I am stilled
by the quivering creation itself
and the sky
which was in itself an oilpainting
on fire
vibrating
within me

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What I’m Not

I am not a terminally ill patient
gasping for my last breath
on the respirator
I am not an empty shell
or a cadaver
I once thought I was dead
but I heard my savior whispering, “You’re asleep”
and I was caught
in the ink black hole night
my surrounding were immaterial
no sensations
and I remembered
that we were in the garden
and you formed me with your fingertips
and breathed life into hemoglobin
telling me to get up
“Get up”
“Stand up”
My tears were shed
and windsheild wiped
away

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Capture Eye

you’d capture my eyes

now I don’t have them any more

without your light there

I met you

and you smiled

and my eyes looked away

I came as a tattooed traveler

looking for a home to stay in

for a little shut eye

so you stole my eyes

when I gave them to you

but I no longer read any pulses

because I know I’m already alive

And when we spoke

We were traveling through space and time

from every thought bubble to the next

And I am waiting

for you to return that light

capturing it back

into my eyes

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Drinking you

I am drinking you

and you are pouring me out

We forgot to live

with safety harnesses on

And whatever random

thoughts or directions

I drink from you until you quench me

refresh me

and I am a libation, poured out

For you and you only

Even with my cup, half-empty or full

I empty myself

sacrifice myself

so I might obtain this prize

this goal

In my dying to self

Let it be my gain, my reward

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Letting Go of the Future

I think that it’s a commonly held belief that we have to let go of the past. The past haunts people, some in dramatic, PTSD ways, and some in subtle nostalgic ways. Less is spoken about letting go of the future, which I was thinking about on my way home on the bus (don’t the greatest things pop into your mind when you don’t preoccupy your mind with music or other entertainments?).

Part of my personality is being a dreamer,  it’s part of my innate nature to dream of a better future. They call people like me idealists, it isn’t something I actively choose to be, it’s what I’ve been born, shaped, and enjoy to be.

Letting go of the future is allowing for us to let go of the dot to dot worksheets in our minds, the systematic steps or orders that we think our life will take. We (hopefully) all have dreams and aspirations, light houses we are sailing towards. There is nothing wrong with this, and we should pursue and be working towards them whether in continual education, internships, career choices, etc. However, when we become too fixed on the future, we are like race horses with blinders, we neglect and devalue the enjoyment of the present moment.

So as I saw a couple on the subway, I felt jealous, for a lack of a better word. I felt inadequate, and perhaps something wrong with myself because I should be in a relationship with someone. I felt lonely, I didn’t have someone next to me to love, to wrap my arms around, to share my secrets. And I found myself hoping, wanting, and it just made me feel worse as always. This happened in a few milliseconds, all unconsciously.

When we let go of the future, we look for satisfaction in the present, I had a warm coat, backpack full of interesting books, shoes with no holes, etc. Also, we can look at the past as well, the friends that we have met, and had fun with. The warm homes, soft blankets, washing machines, hot showers, continual education that we have been blessed with.

When we let go of the future, we cease to look forward to the next thing; we are more content with the present. The present, in a sense of time is the future, for it is located within time. We can choose what to do, how to feel in the present, shaping our future.

Ultimately, we let go of the future, because we know it is not completely in our control. We can plan all we want, be detailed oriented, map out our entire lives, and it probably won’t lead to our ideals. And that’s completely okay, you should be satisfied with your self because at any moment that could be your last breath. No matter how modernity has lulled us into a false sense of controlling our destinies, with our cryogenics, surgeries, pills, and  political/ social structures, or the antithesis; overtly deterministic, we can’t control when, where, or how we will die. Life doesn’t come to us in our terms, we live the best life with the hand we are given.

I’ve let go of my past, time to let go of my future.

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No more

I don’t want to dream no more

I’ve been down that waterfall
and I couldn’t get off
I don’t want to die no more
don’t want to cry no more
what is captured
in a coffin
cannot be let go
Don’t want to hide no more
Don’t want to say bye no more
Don’t want to rhyme no more
So this fortress of solitude
is where I hide
And every thing around me
is kryptonite
searing my skin

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Unseen

Yet you
fail to
surprise me
with every sublime realization
echoing
and transposing
even in my dreams
I was fraught with anger
and a certain madness
with syncopated thoughts
and actions
knowing I am not the man they desired
nor the man I wanted to be
and all these waters
are shifting
into these varigrated permutations
I thought I could see
beyond these stumps of trees
Restless
I was born to be
Even with total absolution
Was that a solution?
So in tandem
with uncertain ressurections
Will I see the reflection?
Of what is unseen?

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