Monthly Archives: January 2014

The Monodialogue

M: You know that’s how life is. You fail, you loose your way, you falter, fall down. When I was younger, I skinned my knee by falling off a bicycle. And it was all strawberry red, like those giant twizzlers that we use to wrap around our heads. And that all you feel, the visceral, stinging, blinding pain. Like nothing else really mattered, and those rivers run down, posing themselves on the knoll of your chin. And you know the other month I saw this boy with a mop of a hair bawling his eyes out, for some reason or another, I couldn’t help but see my reflection there. Out of my mouth came this unworldly laughter, slipping out out. It seems like as we are paddling our boats further down stream in life, we just hit these snags, and stronger currents, rip tides. And it’s magnetic, love that is. It draws like exactly those stretchy sticky hands that we used to grab things. But we forgot that those sticky hands get old, you get more than you ask for, but the dirt, and dust. I mean that’s how it is you know what I’m saying? And sometimes those hands go too far out, and you feel the tension. But what happens when you keep on stretching, and furthering that tension. And if it isn’t elastic enough, strong enough to hold enough together, and it snaps, love snaps when only one person is pulling too hard. Instead of the sticky hand going from side to side, going back and forth like a goddamn pendulum, the tension is relaxed, and it’s gone, poof, nothing. And you have freedom, movement, but that freedom and momentary transcendence is gone. That’s great and all but you’re dragged between two sides, and you haven’t made completely that transition into those blue skies, for all you know you were back there with her, sitting there sipping on a scalding cup of tea, wondering if her gums are a little discoloured. And you’re like a man in this rift in time, a time traveler. And that my friend is what heartbreak really is. And you see those children crying and you know they don’t know a damn about pain, you almost wish that you were them, crying over spilt milk. And you breath heavily, and hear a wind tunnel in your own head because all the snot just clogged up from your nose to your ears. And you think, God there has to be more to life than that, this seemingly endless shit of falling in love, and falling back out, falling in, you’d wish that Newton didn’t come up with that theory, because at least someone wouldn’t have to explain why exactly do you fall, but see that people fall according to that Law. But the trick is I always defy gravity.

Y: Woah dude that’s really profound dude.

M: I know but you always keep moving, you know as Dory from “Finding Nemo,” you just keep on swimming. And then there’s a day, or two, then a couple of shuffling weeks, months, years, and you wonder if it’s there. And you have your friends, they’ll skewer themselves for you. And you realize that she wasn’t the goddamn sun in the first place. And you know there’s some far great reality of Love, that stuff that we learned in Sunday School on those flannel boards may hold hold a great pool of water. And your misplaced hope in humanity, was real, that we were the problem, the true originator. And we we aren’t just made of up of a bunch of chemicals and amino acids, on pure causation, but we have the inexplicable inside, maybe spirit. And you realize that every occurrence has intrinsic meaning, every day your brain turns on again, and you’re conscious is a Goddamn miracle. And even when you step off a subway train, and no one notices that you’re putting one foot in front of another, you are already defying the temptation to lay down and die in your cradle of a grave. You’re a child that has stopped crawling, taking his first steps, into a greater reality. And you realize that you’re not just finding your own way, but your just following in the same footsteps as other people; it’s just humbling an’ all, knowing that you don’t have to do this alone. And you realize that it wasn’t just about yourself all along, but that a greater story was unfolding, unraveling, and you were just being caught up in the same motion, the same dance all along. And it’s exciting, but so Goddamn scary that you’re shaking there in your boots, but you know that you were born to do this all along.

Y: Born to do what?

M: Born to truly “live”

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Reflecktor (Poem)

We mimic a bizarre dance
The disco light masks
the shell of a Modernity
we step out to the night
wearing flaky ideology
longing to enter into amour
Dancing monorhythmically
Crowding around these biosynthetics
intangible tepid relationships
And even if ice ages were thawing
There wasn’t warmth, or resonance
with the robotic robberies
guiding me, directing me, distracting me
I lost the sunlight
I lost my own Voice
Maybe I was sitting for
a plane that would never arrive.
Maybe I was waiting for
the building blocks to be alive.
We watched without participating
critiquing systems while empowering
That horrific dance
We’ve been doing