Tag Archives: identity

Inner most

i am that echo
silently singing
slowly writhing
always conniving
simple addition
chemical affliction
life is birthed
in closets and attics
and pantomime
each movement and representation
a chess match dance
always resting on the cusp of…
a fallen angel
or an uncharted territory
reaping where we haven’t sown
treading into danger
unheading suspicious strangers
wandering into the outer reaches
until we find ourselves resting
in our innermost being

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let’s do that barn dance together
swing me around for another
convict me of grand larceny
in the midst of tyranny
reign me in and plumb my eyes
see my few whiskers and patchy beard
we can both be rogues running
as we search east and west
scouring the earth
upturning, swimming, climbing
every crevice, shore, field, bush
finding spare time
etching our names in oaks
sparking our kindling
finding our identities
as we meet friends, strangers, family
vanquish our enemies
vanishing into new experiences
grow neuro connections
firing electrical storms
dig and repeat trodded paths
vanguards and trail blazing
progress of building and razing
constructing a frame to keep all vitals
for our body, soul, mind
tissue as love
finding ourselves
as fully functional existing
eternal satisfaction

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Cross pollination

I have been turning things
inside out
on their back
sifting through the rubble
with my hand and shovel
making myself
more accessible
sifting through the rubble
with my hand and shovel
making myself

still ineffable

still a conundrum
a quick footed
elusive shadow
but still a little flippant
in feeling

and thinking

cross pollination


King David Pretending to Go Crazy

I find it funny when people who have not read the the Bible before tend to think of the book as moralistic/ fable tales. In fact, I think most Christians today are unfamiliar with some of the more eccentric parts. Perhaps church worship and sermons should incorporate parts of scripture that is uncharistically abnormal.

One of my favorite stories is about David who is running away from Saul who wants nothing more for him to be a shish kabob. David goes to Achish, Gath’s king. Achist’s servants recognize the runaway infamous bandit beloved by crazed fanboys and fangirls everywhere (the modern Justin Bieber). David, this warrior who killed  thousands of Philistines, fought lions, and bears, oh my is afraid. David must have been quite creative, he was a musician playing the lyre for Saul when he had his migraines. A creative spark must have lept up inside of Him (or the for my Tolkienites the Tookish side) and he started pretending to be crazy.

He started scratching the doors on the city gates, let spit run down his chin (21:13). He must have been acting like a rabid rabies infecting dog, wanting to leave the city gates, acting like some kind of zombie. Achish asked the servants, “Look this guy’s completely lost his marbles; I’ve already have a fresh supply of insane people around me already!” (aren’t all our politicians crazy enough?). “Send this guy away!”

So David leaves the premises, with a new identity, a crazy person. He gathers a bunch of hooligans around him (everyone who was in distress, everyone who was in debt, everyone who was discontented) (22:2) and he becomes the leader of this band of misfits and outlaws.

This is a great story to me because, we often don’t think of Godly, or even “moral” leaders as crazy. David is a man who is first and foremost human, he shakes in his sandals now and again, he’s also smart, and is crazy enough to try anything in order to survive. A chapter before, he steals the holy bread in the Temple because he was in need of supplies. He is also pretty bad-ass, he takes the sword he beheaded Goliath with him.

David’s a pretty eccentric and human character, he has his flaws, and failures yet he was called a man after God’s own heart. It’s also interesting how he was continuously described as dark skin, probably because he was a shepherd. So this is an outdoors, backwoods type of guy used by God.

I think I’m similar to David sometimes, I don’t think much of myself, and think about some really random things. I have a morbid imagination, I think about car crashes happening at any moment, a guy being rejected by a girl when she slaps him in the face (that is pretty funny to me). AndI don’t always stick to the script in social situations. Sometimes when everyone downing a glass of wine at a wedding, I’m thinking about our cells and how they are constantly dying and regenerating. In more serious situations, like if I was an airport, I joke about hiding the bombs or the semi-automatic rifles because I’m American.

What I realized that it really isn’t about the people who want to be famous, or world changers, but the people who have grappled with their self-identity, they know who they are, and whose they are. They are unbound by expectations of others, they are exactly who they are created to be, and they are incontrovertibly unapologetic in their identity, because it is rooted in something far greater than themselves.

As Steve Jobs says, “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

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