Monthly Archives: July 2013

Deus Ex Machina

The phrase “deus ex machina” means “god from the machine” in latin. It’s often a short cut, or cheap plot device used in stories when a seemingly unsolvable problem is suddenly resolved, by the intervention of a character, circumstance, ability, or object. In the same way, we desire for problems in our lives to be solved instantaneously. As a Christian, sometimes I see God as a genie in the bottle, someone to grant my wishes and desires.  Something I’ve been actively learning, not only through knowledge, but with experience is that God often doesn’t work in the ways we want him to work.

Whether we are religious or not, we are all in the process of disillusionment, which will eventually allow us to see the truth in the world. Disillusionment is often used as a negative connotation, but it is the process and activity of dispelling all illusions. Only when we deconstruct our view of the world, how it should work, ideally in our eyes, can we truly view the world from a perspective closer to the truth. None of us will see this objective truth, of why things happen in this world because we all view the world through subjective experience, but we all grasp some truths, you know you parents, your friends, your significant other loves you in some way.

I learned from a young age that the world isn’t fair, or at least the concept of “karma” doesn’t exist in this world, at least not for the present as well as we want it to. We desire instant solutions, in a society which regards technology, and science as a panacea.  Therefore, we all believe in deus ex machina, occasionally, we want our problems, addictions, terrible habits to disappear for we can’t bear the searing guilt and pain from our present lives. We wish for our love ones to not be enduring disease, suffering, loss, despair, meaningless pain and suffering.

And so we turn to our religions, our technology, modern medicine, modern “feel-good” philosophies.  When we realize that perhaps the solutions that we have been retreading, can’t solve the issue, but can only fix a problem temporarily. Sometimes these are fixed permanently, but we use these devices for every circumstance, and in all situations.

I am not advocating for despair or nihilism, but for simply disillusionment.  How often do you read articles online about simple solutions to  problems like global warming, cancer, poverty, hunger, genocide, or the economy. I read these articles every day, on reddit, digg, bbc, cnn, yahoo news, etc. These are all forms of Deus Ex Machina, the modern mentality that things are fixable, through some human ingenuity, and humanistic agenda.

I am only advocating for humbleness, and the idea that we need multiple perspectives, and people from all branches and specialties working together. We need time, we need to spend energy, effort into a repetitious process of trial and error. We have fail terribly, fall flat on our faces to final make us realize what we’ve been doing wrong. And it wouldn’t be so bad to realize that we need help from God, a humbleness to admit we really F*ed up this world. We’ve created habits, behaviors, systems, attitudes, societal conditions that are abhorrent and despicable.  We have to want to change, because as much as we hate how we got to where we are, we don’t hate it enough. We have to be visionaries, being able to see the future, and keeping our eyes on that no matter how much shit you face.

This is hard work, for most of us here in life, it doesn’t get handed to us on a platter. We have to be active characters in this play in life, and not be passive, nor completely idealistic thinking we are in control of our surroundings.

We are going to screw up. But there’s grace in that, and like in evolution, we are all in life trying to figure out through a trial and error process. Even if you google all day long, you will screw up, so stop trying to be a perfectionist. I’ve  made a lot of promises that I said I would keep. But, there’s grace in that, we are forgiven by God, we can be brought to life again, we can wake up again to a beautiful reality that this world is a world of second chances, of re-admittances, of restorations, and reconciliation–but only if you want it. And if you don’t have that desire, pray that you will want it, that you can envision it, taste, smell, feel, your goal, that you would desire it with your heart, mind, and soul. Not only do you have to have faith it is possible, but that you will work towards that goal, often cooperation with others.

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Immortal

my skin cool silver fish scales 
 my brain bursting, harboured in my skull 
 They say beauty fades 
  But I was an archaeologist 
  unearthing more than the relics of Saints 
 I heard a hint of story left untold 
  a remnant of the collected figurines 
 that would speak  
  that would laugh 
that would cry 
 that would be mad 
  I am the immortal man 
  daring and daft 
 the most permeable 
I’d wait for you
  with frankincense and myrrh 
I’d follow a falling star for you 
  even if it was ashes in the atmosphere 
 And soon the calendars flip to their ends 
  and are discarded into trash cans
 but no matter  how many calendars you use 
 I will be always there immobile 
 gravitating towards you 
 caught in your pull 
   though you may drift 
    and fall away from me 
    I will always want to show 
   blue skies, fair weather 
   safe harbors, baby’s breath 
   Even if you are across the world 
   I wonder if you’d give me a thought 
   I would give you a hundred pennies for your thoughts 
  if naught for my cowardice 
   because of my mistakes  
  When love is given 
   must it not be received? 
  or was it love at all? 
  or feckless sentiment?
  Is love when you know when to let go? 
  and when to grasp and hold? 
  when does love become avarice? 
  when a person kills their lover fleeing to another?  
 so we are archaeologists who value these vintages 
  and hold onto some perennial love 
 resharpened and refashioned, a new born chick hatching 
 perpetual, persistent, relentless, ceaseless 
 This is who I am 
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On Writing In My Blog

(From my other Xanga blog)

I wouldn’t say that I would be proud of my writing, or this blog for any matter. It’s taken some time to reach a certain groove of posting, mostly creating poetry in my spare time, funneling that creative energy into a whirlwind of playfulness. And yet even when no one reads, I’m still happy with the result.  If any of my words can connect and make someone’s day less shitty, I hope that it can alleviate some pain and suffering in the world. There’s a mysterious quality now to this blog, something similar to music, you put your own interpretations onto poetry and that’s okay.

Xanga has deviated, evolved into a place for me to express my musings, emotions, etc. It doesn’t matter if you know me or not, you can empathize with art, no matter who you are, and like music you inhibit, experience the same emotions as I do. So introductions are not even needed, you only know that I am a person with thoughts, dreams, opinions, and above all a man who can feel, everything there is to feel in this world.
And if a stranger has anything to say to you, it is that you are loved. You are loved beyond measure by the people around you, and if I could meet you I would say to you that I love you as well. I would like to hear from you, I would like to cherish you, because you are unique, and loveable. There’s nothing that you can do to detract from your uniqueness/ specialness. You might not be as intelligent as you want to be, you might not have the best witticisms, the best husband, girlfriend or wife, or even the best siblings. But you have a voice, we all have a voice on this democratic plane, where freedom of thought can reside in the network of cyberspace. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, say something; write about an experience, be unequivocally yourself.  Be brave, believe that you have an insight, a perspective that no one else has ever heard.  Don’t try to be anything you’re not online, any genuine person can see through that facade, as easy as seeing through a used car salesman. Stop pretending, stop trying to please your readers into what you perceive to be interesting. If you love to write, then write until your goddamn fingers fall off. If you can live without writing, than don’t do it. Be brave in your writing, and don’t try to impress others with your exquisite words. Say what you mean to say, and leave out the rest. Forget the critics, the social media haters. Be yourself and don’t look back.
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Repetitions

strange how we 

 repeat the same 

  repetitions 
  as we rewind 
  and forward 
 and fast-forward 
 then rewinding into 
  another collapsible situation 
  and then we pine again for her and 
 then we relapse into insanity again 
  and then we revisit these 
 broken down dreams 
 and we rehash these remnants 
  of a watered down plot points 
 and we feigned emotion 
 and we recasted ourselves 
 and we recreated the premise 
 and we relocated, revamped, and revised 
  until our cross stitching finally met 
 until our tectonic plates collided 
 until our walls were breached 
 until our hands and feet met 
 until this realization 
  became a materialization 
 until a infatuation 
became a full saturation  
 no longer dipping 
  but swimming 
  in an ocean
  the conveyor belt moves forward 
 and the needle touches the record 
like a ballerina on her toes and 
 so please 
 please 
  press that arrow button 
  to play 
 we pray 
  we play 
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